I am finally about to put myself to bed after a long and emotional day. Preparing for tomorrow is making me more emotional so I have decided to stop and just finish in the morning.
Noah finally woke up around 8:00 this morning and Ethan woke up around 8:15. I was able to get both boys fed, dressed, and off to school by 9:00. Dropping Ethan off went fairly well. I got a little emotional; however, I was able to leave him as he was dosing off and he seemed content. I called the school to check on him around 11:00. His teacher reported that he took two ounces from a bottle without difficulty and she said he had fussed a little but was sleeping again. I decided that since he was sleeping, I would stay a couple more hours.
I had lunch with my co-workers and enjoyed catching up with everyone. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work from Ethan (Bryan). I should have taken a picture but forgot so I will have to take one tomorrow. Bryan was going to bring them home for me but he just walked in the door and said he forgot. Bryan also sent me a very encouraging e-mail, which made me cry but also gave me some comfort.
I arrived back at the school at 1:15 and thats when it happened. As I walked in the door I could hear a faint little whimper which only got louder as I got closer to Ethan's room. I soon saw the teacher bouncing a pitiful Ethan trying to comfort him with his blanket, lovey, and pacifier. Ethan was persistently fussing. I went to the teacher and took Ethan in my arms and said 'its okay Ethan, Mommy is here.' Ethan immediately opened his eyes, looked at me, and quit crying. He wasn't hungry. He wasn't having a tummy ache. He was crying for me. Needless to say, I feel awful for him.
I am having a little trouble convincing myself that 11 week old baby is benefitting from this separation. He only drank 2 ounces of milk over the course of 5 hours and he has always been such a consistent eater.
Once we got home, Ethan spent the rest of the day nursing every 2 hours and wanting to be held. Can you blame him?
Anyway, I am hoping that tomorrow goes a little better. I can't remember how this felt exactly with Noah but I know it must have been similar. I survived that and he did too. We will survive this too, right?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Back to Work
Today is my first day back to work from maternity leave. I woke up early and with the help of my husband, I was able to get a shower and get dressed. Now I am sitting in the quiet house, ready for work. Both boys are sleeping and I am drinking a delicious cup of coffee. I have spent some time praying and reading God's word and it has helped to give me some peace about today. However, deep down inside I think I want the boys to stay asleep so that we never have to leave and start today. I love having my children underneath the same roof as me. I have loved my time at home focusing on being a wife and a mother.
I am returning as a part-time employee so this will be new turf for me. I don't really know what it will be like to work part time with two kids. I may love it. Or it may still seem like too much time away from my kids. I won't know until I try it out.
I have mixed emotions about taking Ethan to school. I have loved my time at home with him and I feel that we are so closely connected and in sync with one another. It scares me that someone else won't be able to know what he needs, when he needs it. I am really having trouble holding it together as I write this. I know and love the ladies at Little Sam who will be taking care of Ethan and I have clearly seen the benefits of school in Noah; however, I don't feel ready for this. Time seems to be going by too fast. Ethan is 11 weeks old today and it feels like just yesterday I brought him home.
Please pray for me today. Pray for Ethan. Pray for peace for my family. Pray that I will make the best decisions for my children.
I will update later about how the day goes.
I am returning as a part-time employee so this will be new turf for me. I don't really know what it will be like to work part time with two kids. I may love it. Or it may still seem like too much time away from my kids. I won't know until I try it out.
I have mixed emotions about taking Ethan to school. I have loved my time at home with him and I feel that we are so closely connected and in sync with one another. It scares me that someone else won't be able to know what he needs, when he needs it. I am really having trouble holding it together as I write this. I know and love the ladies at Little Sam who will be taking care of Ethan and I have clearly seen the benefits of school in Noah; however, I don't feel ready for this. Time seems to be going by too fast. Ethan is 11 weeks old today and it feels like just yesterday I brought him home.
Please pray for me today. Pray for Ethan. Pray for peace for my family. Pray that I will make the best decisions for my children.
I will update later about how the day goes.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Noah -- Two years
My goodness how fast time flies! I can't believe my first born son has turned two!!
Noah had his two year check up and vaccinations with Dr. Denny last week.
We were so happy to find that Noah was on the growth chart in weight and had leaped up the chart in height since our last measurements at 18 months.
Noah's 2 year stats:
Height: 35.5 inches (79%)
Weight: 25 pounds (12%)
Head: 18.82 inches (25%)
Noah has moved up to the two year old classroom in his Montessori school and continues to thrive in his educational environment. Noah knows at least 10 colors and some letters and numbers. He is able to count to ten and spell his name. He has an enormous vocabulary and can repeat multi-syllabic words with crazy accuracy for someone his age. Noah has memory that will scare you! He is able to remember what you say FOREVER. We have to really watch what we tell him because NOTHING seems to slip by him! He is into all things "vehicle" especially all of the characters from Disney's Cars movie. He loves to play outside and help his daddy work. Noah is fascinated by heavy machinery. He loves bugs and can identify different kinds that are found outside our house. Noah is working on his potty-training at school mostly and we are inconsistently working on it at home. I can't think of many foods that Noah won't eat. Despite his small size, he will eat anything and in very large portions for a kid his age/size. Noah is strong willed and not afraid to throw a fit. He has a loving heart and is not afraid to snuggle up and give hugs and kisses (on the mouth and often with snot or spit). He has been fairly healthy this summer and we are hoping this trend continues this fall and winter as he is nearing the age that the doctors think he could out grow his subglottic stenosis (here's to hoping!!).
The last two years have been amazing with Noah! He has added so much to our lives! We love you little man!!
Noah had his two year check up and vaccinations with Dr. Denny last week.
We were so happy to find that Noah was on the growth chart in weight and had leaped up the chart in height since our last measurements at 18 months.
Noah's 2 year stats:
Height: 35.5 inches (79%)
Weight: 25 pounds (12%)
Head: 18.82 inches (25%)
Noah has moved up to the two year old classroom in his Montessori school and continues to thrive in his educational environment. Noah knows at least 10 colors and some letters and numbers. He is able to count to ten and spell his name. He has an enormous vocabulary and can repeat multi-syllabic words with crazy accuracy for someone his age. Noah has memory that will scare you! He is able to remember what you say FOREVER. We have to really watch what we tell him because NOTHING seems to slip by him! He is into all things "vehicle" especially all of the characters from Disney's Cars movie. He loves to play outside and help his daddy work. Noah is fascinated by heavy machinery. He loves bugs and can identify different kinds that are found outside our house. Noah is working on his potty-training at school mostly and we are inconsistently working on it at home. I can't think of many foods that Noah won't eat. Despite his small size, he will eat anything and in very large portions for a kid his age/size. Noah is strong willed and not afraid to throw a fit. He has a loving heart and is not afraid to snuggle up and give hugs and kisses (on the mouth and often with snot or spit). He has been fairly healthy this summer and we are hoping this trend continues this fall and winter as he is nearing the age that the doctors think he could out grow his subglottic stenosis (here's to hoping!!).
The last two years have been amazing with Noah! He has added so much to our lives! We love you little man!!
Bed Head Noah
New Baby...New perspective
I have always been told that the transition from one child to two is a difficult one. I now know this to be true; however, the ways in which it is difficult are different than I expected. My struggles have been learning to plan ahead and anticipate the needs of my children before they occur and getting the timing right. However, the biggest thing I am learning is that if my attitude is right and my perspective is positive, life is more pleasant and we are all able to deal with life more successfully. Now at 10 weeks out from Ethan's birth, I'm beginning to catch my stride and I am really enjoying being a mother to my two precious boys! Don't get me wrong, I am exhausted most of the time and each day I see a million ways I could have done things better; however, I am learning to enjoy motherhood in a way I never have before.
That being said, through all of this I have done a considerable amount of reflection on motherhood, my responsibility or assignment as a parent, and the type of mother I want to be to my children. Recently while visiting my Mom in St. Simons Island, I heard a missionary speak about her life and calling as a mother. She explained that her husband was called into mission work and while she too felt called to mission work, her calling was quite different. She said that God revealed to her that while she could make a difference in people's lives as a missionary, she could make an even bigger impact on the world by focusing on her children at home. She said that by focusing on bringing her children into a full life in Christ, they would then take Christ to the world in a larger capacity than she would be able to on her own. In hearing this, I was brought to tears and thus began my reflection on my calling as a mother. This lead me to realize that my most important assignment as a mother, is to be a guide to my children as they learn to walk with God. I want my children to have a heart for the Lord.
Since this realization, life in the Gaspard household has begun to change. Bryan and I have realized that if we as parents aren't doing the things we should, we can't expect our children to. If we don't pray and spend time reading God's word, we can't expect our children to. If we don't attend church, our children won't feel that church is important. We have begun to spend more time in God's word independently and as a family. We are praying together as a family more often and spending more time talking openly about how God has blessed our family and about how thankful we are to God for meeting our needs and providing us with so much. We are learning to pray for those in need and look for ways we can help others and show God's love to others.
We have been working to diligently make God an integral part of our lives each day and in most everything that we do. Teaching God's word to a toddler was a daunting task for me; however, I have quickly realized that my two year old is capable of so much more than I realized. He has begun to memorize scripture and we spend time each day talking about different virtues such as being thankful, giving, obedient, etc. and then pointing out various opportunities during the day to employ those virtues. Noah has developed a love for prayer and often asks to pray more than once in his bedtime routine. The best part about the progress we make in our lives and in Noah's is watching Noah demonstrate his growing love for the Lord to his little brother. Noah is so loving and tender with Ethan. He shows him his bible stories, sings to him, prays for him, and feels very protective of him. I have realized that the impact we help to make in Noah's life will greatly affect the life of our other children. Amazing.
I have spent time reading various books including Dare to Discipline by James Dobson, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, and most recently Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic. I actually have only read two chapters in the last book and LOVE it so far. I wanted to share a little about what I read because I think it is profound.
(This is a book written by a mother of 5 who openly talks about being a mother to small children and the difficulties of parenting)
Chapter 2--In the rock tumbler
This chapter spends time talking about how life changes when you have children and your time isn't your own anymore, which is often a "messy" looking, loud life with a crazy schedule. The author points out that it is important to deal with yourself first before dealing with your children. When we fail, God knows that we are growing in our walk with Him when we repent and learn from our mistakes. However, we find it harder to view our children's shortcomings as opportunities for repentance and growth.
page14-15
"It is no abstract thing -- the state of your heart is the state of your home. You cannot harbor resentment secretly toward your children and expect their hearts to be submissive and tender. You cannot be greedy with your time and expect them to share their toys. And perhaps most importantly, you cannot resist your opportunities to be corrected by God and expect them to receive correction from you.
God has given us a job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace. We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God.
Sin is just a fact of life. It is the way we deal with it that changes ours."
Reading this just reinforced to me how important it is to focus on the state of my heart as a mother if I want to positively impact my children as they learn to walk with God. As my perspective on motherhood is evolving, I am beginning to realize that I have been blessed with the most important assignment of my life in mothering my children.
In my MOPS group this morning, our devotion talked about how our assignment to lead our children as they walk with God does not just impact our children, but it impacts generations. What I do now with my children will have a lasting impact on them, their children, and their children's children. WOW!
The more time I spend reflecting on my job as a mother, the more passionate I become about rising to the challenge! I know it is the toughest job I will ever have but I have always loved a good challenge!
(Now someone be sure and remind me to re-read this post in the future when I haven't showered in three days, my house is wreck, my kids are out of control, and I can't seem to get it together! Perspective is a powerful thing!)
Happy Friday!
That being said, through all of this I have done a considerable amount of reflection on motherhood, my responsibility or assignment as a parent, and the type of mother I want to be to my children. Recently while visiting my Mom in St. Simons Island, I heard a missionary speak about her life and calling as a mother. She explained that her husband was called into mission work and while she too felt called to mission work, her calling was quite different. She said that God revealed to her that while she could make a difference in people's lives as a missionary, she could make an even bigger impact on the world by focusing on her children at home. She said that by focusing on bringing her children into a full life in Christ, they would then take Christ to the world in a larger capacity than she would be able to on her own. In hearing this, I was brought to tears and thus began my reflection on my calling as a mother. This lead me to realize that my most important assignment as a mother, is to be a guide to my children as they learn to walk with God. I want my children to have a heart for the Lord.
Since this realization, life in the Gaspard household has begun to change. Bryan and I have realized that if we as parents aren't doing the things we should, we can't expect our children to. If we don't pray and spend time reading God's word, we can't expect our children to. If we don't attend church, our children won't feel that church is important. We have begun to spend more time in God's word independently and as a family. We are praying together as a family more often and spending more time talking openly about how God has blessed our family and about how thankful we are to God for meeting our needs and providing us with so much. We are learning to pray for those in need and look for ways we can help others and show God's love to others.
We have been working to diligently make God an integral part of our lives each day and in most everything that we do. Teaching God's word to a toddler was a daunting task for me; however, I have quickly realized that my two year old is capable of so much more than I realized. He has begun to memorize scripture and we spend time each day talking about different virtues such as being thankful, giving, obedient, etc. and then pointing out various opportunities during the day to employ those virtues. Noah has developed a love for prayer and often asks to pray more than once in his bedtime routine. The best part about the progress we make in our lives and in Noah's is watching Noah demonstrate his growing love for the Lord to his little brother. Noah is so loving and tender with Ethan. He shows him his bible stories, sings to him, prays for him, and feels very protective of him. I have realized that the impact we help to make in Noah's life will greatly affect the life of our other children. Amazing.
I have spent time reading various books including Dare to Discipline by James Dobson, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, and most recently Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic. I actually have only read two chapters in the last book and LOVE it so far. I wanted to share a little about what I read because I think it is profound.
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches
(This is a book written by a mother of 5 who openly talks about being a mother to small children and the difficulties of parenting)
Chapter 2--In the rock tumbler
This chapter spends time talking about how life changes when you have children and your time isn't your own anymore, which is often a "messy" looking, loud life with a crazy schedule. The author points out that it is important to deal with yourself first before dealing with your children. When we fail, God knows that we are growing in our walk with Him when we repent and learn from our mistakes. However, we find it harder to view our children's shortcomings as opportunities for repentance and growth.
page14-15
"It is no abstract thing -- the state of your heart is the state of your home. You cannot harbor resentment secretly toward your children and expect their hearts to be submissive and tender. You cannot be greedy with your time and expect them to share their toys. And perhaps most importantly, you cannot resist your opportunities to be corrected by God and expect them to receive correction from you.
God has given us a job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace. We are to be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God.
Sin is just a fact of life. It is the way we deal with it that changes ours."
Reading this just reinforced to me how important it is to focus on the state of my heart as a mother if I want to positively impact my children as they learn to walk with God. As my perspective on motherhood is evolving, I am beginning to realize that I have been blessed with the most important assignment of my life in mothering my children.
In my MOPS group this morning, our devotion talked about how our assignment to lead our children as they walk with God does not just impact our children, but it impacts generations. What I do now with my children will have a lasting impact on them, their children, and their children's children. WOW!
The more time I spend reflecting on my job as a mother, the more passionate I become about rising to the challenge! I know it is the toughest job I will ever have but I have always loved a good challenge!
(Now someone be sure and remind me to re-read this post in the future when I haven't showered in three days, my house is wreck, my kids are out of control, and I can't seem to get it together! Perspective is a powerful thing!)
Happy Friday!
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