Infertility

Okay, so anyone who spends any amount of time with me knows about my struggles with infertility over the last year. I have never written about it because, it is what it is, and sometimes it is hard to put those feelings into words. After a very disappointing weekend, I stumbled across the following written by Nancy Devinney on the Stepping Stones website and felt like it encompassed much of what I have been feeling.

Question: What is infertility?
Answer: Infertility is...

The robber of childhood dreams,
The thief of wifely desires,
The take of the assumed.

Cry, scream, yell,
Feel alone even with the arms of your husband around you.

The monthly reminder,
The fallen hopes.

Dreams gone,
Shattered like fragile glass.

The ever-empty arms that ache and hurt with the sounds of children laughing.

The hidden pain at baby showers,
The ignorance of people asking you, "When is your turn?"

The failure.

The child who walks by looking like the one you dream of, long to hold.
The ever-present deep knife in your heart.

Infertility is all the above,
Infertility is also...

Trusting that He will never leave us or forsake us.

Knowing that "[Nothing] will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:39 NIV).

Believing that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

Hoping that "You and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith" (Romans 1:11 NIV).

Date Night

So let me go ahead and say that today has not been the best day of my life.  However, Bryan is on his way home now with some take out from Aladdin (one of our favorite restaurants) for a dinner and a movie date night.  I am so excited to have a quiet night at home spending quality time with my husband.  Sometimes these are my favorite kinds of dates.  You can wear your pajamas, eat a good dinner, top it off with some candy, and some quality snuggling time on the couch.  I can't think of a better way to put a bad day behind you!  

Dr. and Mrs. Allan Maples

Okay, so here is the picture I promised weeks ago of Sara Beth and Allan on their wedding day! It took me awhile to get some pictures. The wedding weekend was perfect and the reception was a blast! Allan and Sara Beth have returned from their honeymoon and are settling into married life!

Our Babies

As most of you probably know, Bryan and I do not "officially" have children yet. However, we do have two Yorkies who are definitely our babies! Gatsby is our male Yorkie and he weighs about seven pounds . Isabella or Izzy is our female Yorkie and she weighs about five pounds. They are both six and a half years old. These two little babies do everything with us...go on vacation, ride in the car, sleep in the bed...you get the idea. I believe that they are both very well behaved, but I am definitely biased since I trained them. They both stay out in the house for sometimes twelve hours without having any accidents. This is especially remarkable since we only adopted Izzy about two years ago and she was not house broken. It wasn't difficult to train her since Gatsby was so well trained, she just seemed to follow suit. A lot of people think Yorkies are prissy dogs...well they're not. They are terriers and they make it known. I am sorry to say, but if you knock on our door, they are going to let us know! They LOVE to play with their toys (they have a lot of toys!) and they definitely have their favorites. Izzy's favorite toy is a miniature stuffed pig. Gatsby prefers his rubber pig. It doesn't matter how many new toys I buy them, they always go back to the "oldies but goodies!" Now you are probably reading this thinking....Wow, she really needs to have kids! Well, we are working on that! But for now, we have Gatsby and Izzy and I am so thankful for that! It is so nice to have someone to keep me company on my nights alone. It is so nice to always have someone waiting for us to get home. It is nice to be needed and loved all of the time! They are a special part of our world and for them...we ARE their world!! (this post is especially for Kate K....enjoy!)

The Life of a Resident's Wife

I've never been one to complain about by husband's work hours, and I won't start now.  However, tonight I will reflect on the things that I have come to know as "normal" that others would, in my opinion, find difficult.  When I left work at 4:30 pm today, I called my husband, knowing he was on call for the night, to let him know I was leaving the hospital and to wish him a good night...call me later, right?  Well, his phone was answered by a nurse in the operating room (OR), "Dr. Gaspard's phone."  I replied...."Oh, its just his wife, no big deal, just let him know I called."  So I go on about my night as I usually do until bedtime rolls around.  At 11:15 pm I decided to call again prior to going to bed (or posting/ranting on my blog).  A nurse (possibly the same nurse) answered the phone, "Dr. Gaspard's phone."  I said, "This is his wife...I guess he is still in the OR."  The nurse then told my husband that I was on the phone, to which my husband replied, "what's going on?"  I told the nurse that nothing was going on, I only wanted to say goodnight before I went to bed.  We hung up and I was then inspired to write this blog.  Don't get me wrong, I know that what my husband is doing is important and I would in no way want to take away from what he is doing to help someone else; however, I think that it is hard to sometimes to want to talk to your spouse and not be able to, especially at night.  I am used to this situation, but, it is harder at some times than at others.  On this particular day, I have a lot of things I would like to share with him, that will obviously have to wait until tomorrow.  And when my husband gets home tomorrow, he will be so tired, he will hardly be able to keep his eyes open long enough to listen to me talk about my days that have passed since I last talked to him.  By the way, I have not spoken to Bryan since 6:00 am this morning when he kissed me goodbye.  Anyway, I post this, not to complain, but rather to make the point that residency is not a burden felt by only those who physically go through it, but rather felt by all directly impacted by the residency, namely a spouse and children (we don't have any yet, but our dogs feel his absence!).  I know that residency is the price we pay for our spouses to fulfill their dreams of practicing medicine; however, it is not an easy price to pay at times.  It is a price we are MORE THAN GLAD to pay because we love them.  I firmly support my husband in his residency and career choice.  I just sometimes wish that it would all pass quicker, or become easier, or not feel so darn lonely at times!  Anyway....I think I just got a big AMEN from some of my friends!!  I am going to go to bed now (alone) and tomorrow will feel different because Bryan will be home early, post-call and tired, but early none the less and he will be mine once again!!  I dedicate this post to all the wives out there who have been there!!  Love you all!  

Wedding Bells

Today one of my very best friends is getting married today!!  Sara Beth Dowdy will soon be Sara Beth Maples!!  Sara Beth and Allan started dating around the same time Bryan and I did. We have spent a lot of time growing together as couples over the last three and a half years. We have all worked to put God in the center of our relationships and it has been truly amazing to see the ways God has blessed us all over the years!  I am about to leave for hair/nail/picture appointments, so I wanted to quickly post a picture of Sara Beth and I at her bachelorette party in Birmingham, Alabama a couple of weeks ago.  I'll post pictures of the wedding tomorrow!  For now...Here's to Sara Beth and Allan!

Politics

With all of the political speeches, interviews, and talks, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about our country and the direction in which it is heading.  I came across this quote and found it quite profound.  

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things.  The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse.  The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

--John Stuart Mill (English Economist and Philosopher, 1806-1873)

I am proud to be an American.  I believe America is worth fighting for!  I vow to make it my personal goal to be a part of something bigger than myself!  U-S-A...U-S-A....U-S-A!!!

Baton Rouge

As I'm sure most of you have heard, Baton Rouge was his pretty hard by Gustav.  Nearly the entire City is without power!  Even LSU is closed and the game was cancelled for the weekend.  Please pray for the people of Baton Rouge while they patiently wait to have power again.  I can only imagine how hot all those people must be in this September heat!  

Hurricane Hannah is heading for the east coast later this week and Hurricane Ike was upgraded to a category three.  It looks like we are in for a long Hurricane Season!  

God is Good

Praise God!!  The marina structure is completely intact!  This is truly a miracle!!  The marina got approximately 16 inches of water inside the ground floor (which was totally empty due to massive evacuation efforts).  There is some mud and water clean up; however, compared to what might have been, that is nothing!  There was no mention of the actual dock but I am assuming there is damage to those because there ALWAYS is after any big storm.  Apparently the entire island is without power, clean water, and cell service.  My father-in-law thinks it will be about a month before power is restored to the island because every single power line on the island is down!  The island definitely will have a big clean up effort.  Bryan and I will probably go down next weekend to help get things back in order.  I think the plans from here are to transport some generators to the island and get to work cleaning up.  Thanks to everyone who has literally prayed our family through this potential catastrophe!  Now if we can just continue to pray away all the other brewing storms out there! We are truly blessed to have such great family and friends!  I am posting a picture of our family marina (Sand Dollar Marina) and docks, obviously before the storm.  

Quick Update

This post will be brief due to the fact that I am trying to wrap my work day up and get home. I spoke with my father-in-law this morning. The whole family was able to get back to Cutt Off, LA (Lafourche Parish) last night because of some pass they had. Without this pass they wouldn't have made it due to the mandatory evacuation and curfews. My father-in-law said they were stopped at least ten times on the way down. My sister-in-law (Rainey) and her husband, Albert's, house lost its roof, but other than that all homes were okay and everyone is running on generators for now. The plan for today was to try to get down to Grand Isle and assess the damage. I have not talked to anyone since b/c all of the phone lines and towers are down and the electricity is of course off. One phone works belonging to a cousin (Robert) thankfully! We will hopefully talk to someone later tonight and see how things are. I will update again as soon as I know something! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

The Waiting Game

As Hurricane Gustav continues to hammer down on Louisiana, we sit here helplessly watching the news and waiting to hear news reports from home.  I spoke with Bryan's mom this morning.  They are safe in Tibideaux at a hotel.  They must have a lot of rooms because 14 of our family members are all there.  They do not have power and are getting hot, but they have plenty of food and water. Reports from Grand Isle claim at least 7 feet of water and no land in sight, so I'm more than certain that the marina is flooded.  One of the Gaspard's neighbors in Cutt Off stayed behind and has been communicating with them on the status of their house.  So far, flooding is minimal, their fence is down, and some siding is off the house.  It seems like the storm is weakening, but is still dangerous and causing damage. The full extent of Gustav's damage is yet to be seen I'm afraid.  Bryan had to work this morning for a few hours but is now home doing "home projects."  Not projects I give him, but rather electronic projects that he comes up with all on his own and take HOURS!  He enjoys them, so they don't bother me.  I am going to do some school work, laundry, and continue to be addicted to the news and anxiously await contact with our family.  

I will continue to update everyone as I here more.  Thank you all for your concern and prayers!