After much thought, discussion, and tears, we have decided as a family that it would be best for me to hang up my speech-pathology hat for awhile and become a full time mom and wife. This decision was not made lightly. I love my job. I love what I do. I love my co-workers. I love being a part of that medical world. It is after all where I met Bryan. I feel like being a speech pathologist is part of what defines me. It is the one thing I can go and do and do well most of the time. However, lately I have been feeling spread rather thin and therefore have not felt like I am doing anything 100%. I feel like I am always rushing out the door or in the door and missing out on the moments that count. When Noah says "hold you mommy" or "play cars mommy" I want to be able to stop what I am doing and meet his needs.
Bryan isn't here much so most of the house and kids stuff falls to me. Trying to handle everything plus work sometimes makes me feel resentful. Bryan and I feel that our home and our children are our first priority and therefore, if financially feasible, we need to do what we can to make sure we are putting our best efforts there first and foremost. After looking at the numbers, once we pay for childcare, my part time salary isn't worth the 80+ hours away from our kids. My heart is with my children. It was different with Noah because we relied on my salary. The option just wasn't there. Now that Bryan is nearing the end of his residency and has become a junior faculty this year, my salary is no longer a must. Given this change in our situation, my work has become an option rather than a necessity. I choose my children. Ethan is so small. I feel like he needs me. I love nursing him on demand and not conforming to a schedule or being a slave to the pump. I love cloth diapering Ethan. I love having the time to cook healthy meals for my family. I love having time to just play with my kids.
A good friend and I were discussing my situation over the phone one night and I was asking her what she thought I should do. She then asked me "Gracie, what will be there in 20 years?" The answer was obvious. I will always be a speech pathologist. My three month old will one day be grown and won't need me to meet his every need. (Thank you sweet friend!)
Leaving Ethan was the hardest thing I have ever done. Mainly because my time at home during my maternity leave was so amazing. I spent so much time with my boys and I felt like my home was in order most of the time. I always knew what my heart wanted; however, it took me some time to get my head straight. Now that I have made the decision, I feel great about it! I am so excited to be there for every first that happens for Ethan. I am excited to be able to keep Noah home more while it is still an option. I am excited that the boys will be able to spend more time together at home and in the community growing up together.
My last day at work was September 30th. This is the first week of my new career as a stay at home Mom! I'm excited about this new chapter in my life and I am very thankful to my hard-working husband for making this possible for our family!
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